Thinking on Super Powers

Honey, we were so drunk and you'd asked me playfully, what super power I'd choose to have. We were walking out the door and I could barely hold myself up and you'd rubbed my back and let me lean on you as we stumbled along. The guys asked you 'man, what are you doing that for' and you said simply, 'he needs me'. I tried to tell you how much that meant to me but you laughed and said it was okay. My words must have been slurring because I'd felt it as you laughed into my hair.

As we took off in the car we'd joked about the power of telekinesis, and moving things with our minds. They asked where to drop me off, where I lived, and you said that your place was fine. They were rude then, making nasty jokes, and I vaguely remember cursing at them for it. You'd asked them, your friends, with conviction why they would ever say things like that. As I leaned against you with my eyes shut tight, I could still hear their reply of 'because, Paul, he's a fag'.

Your body tensed some; I could feel it against me, and you were shaking your head in anger. You exhaled in frustration and put your hand over mine on the seat. Adrenaline kicked in and I raised my voice to them saying just how much they needed to fucking grow up. I'd known them for not longer than a few hours, but they were not being good friends to you then. You tensed again, and put that warm hand on my thigh as if in a warning. I was brazen with alcohol though, and I'd spit a few more choice words at them angrily.

The guy in the front seat must have turned around as we pulled into your driveway because he glared disgustedly towards us. I couldn't see his eyes in the darkened car, but the glint from the headlights made him look sinister and intent. My jaw squared and I returned his defiance with an even stare as you'd tugged on my arm to get out of the car. I then heard you sternly say 'Get back in the fucking car, Jake' as I noticed then that the driver's seat was empty. Just the keys dangled in the ignition, and the beeping of the open door had made my stomach sick as I got out.

As his fist contacted your cheek, I shoved him so hard to the ground. You sniffed, spitting out something dark to the grass; you grabbed my arm, pushing me towards the house. 'Kevin, go inside' you'd instructed, harshly at first, and then softer, but there was no way I was leaving you out there with your friends. I shouldn't have insisted that we accept their invitation, but they hadn't seemed at all phobic at the time. I guess you hadn't told them that we were together.

As I hesitated a hand slammed into the side of my skull, and then once again as I'd lost my balance. I heard the word 'fag' before everything went black, and awoke only as the sirens were nearing. Your neighbor had called, I suppose, as I recognized her a few yards away watching. You'd waved to her as we walked from class that morning, and she'd come over from watering her pots. She'd asked how you were enjoying college, and reminded us again of how happy she was that we'd found each other. I'd felt a fluttering in my stomach then, and had squeezed your hand to mine. You'd replied with confidence that school couldn't have been better, and put your hand around my waist as you always did.

Her face was contorted now though, and she hugged herself; gripping a wad of white Kleenex. She'd always been like a mother to you, you'd once said, and I hated for her to see you that way. The lights from the ambulance had swum before me as I'd been helped into it by stoic faces. I asked fearfully where you were but nobody would give me an answer; their gloved hands just put needles into my veins. They kept asking what I remembered, and what hurt, and I just kept telling them what hurt was my chest. I think my heart had been broken already then, because somehow I had already known. Later, they'd said you'd been bleeding inside, and explained how they just couldn't stop it in time.

I didn't get to tell you I'd thought the super power I'd have chosen would be just to be able to fly. Now, though, the only super power I wish I'd had was to hold my tongue and have you back by my side.